Unsent Letters

Have you ever written a letter to someone without sending it?
Did it feel so good? You just wanted to bathe in it?

Sometimes I forget, I fall in love with love… real hopeless romantic shit
Neglecting to see who stands before me, without my projections

My artistic rendition that secures my intention of becoming everything they dream of
It’s unfair I people please them, for selfish reasons, although I was unaware

Just because these things were expected of me, doesn’t mean that I can transfer the burden
It’s my trauma to release, observe and cease, this cyclic continuation

My responsibility to go deep within me, to unearth the seeds planted for protection
Uproot the trees that grew to shade my view of the light, illuminating my conjecture

Unveil the truth, hidden in youth, to look up on it without judgment
Unpack, the pain that took years to fold away as if I don’t feel like fighting every breath, making it hard to function

An honest look at my reflection

At times, I flop and fill my cup with lovers, good intentions
I drink it up and ask for more because I’m only human

Being self-aware is only fun when I’m alone
Twin flames always come along to calibrate the tone

Is this Love or am I just dreaming?
The warmth of your hand on my thigh leaves me needing

The fulfillment I get from your vibe when you lean in
Taking a moment, I close my eyes to breathe in

Your sweat smells like flowers, and gives power to this feeling
Your eyes look in mine, so deep that it’s chilling

Catch myself falling. I’m learning my lessons.
But when will I know if this is a blessing

Follow my heart, my souls intuition
Questioning if we are on the same mission

Looking back on the times that we spent together
Wondering if we will last through bad weather

Am I seeing you for who you are, excepting the now and not playing the part
Not gazing through, rose tinted glasses and not letting any red flags pass us

Authenticity is showing me that I can be true to me in every situation
Happily, flying free, don’t pick me for your validation
Honestly, I hold the key to doors that lead, to my Salvation
Reciprocity is the thing I need in order to satiate this sensation

I’m learning to live freely without expectations
Not building, resentment for things given or unfair stipulations

Not rushing into commitment because it makes me feel safer
Being able to sit with myself, and use time to decipher

If I should give you these pages, I’ve written
Every time that I try, I abandon the mission

Wondering if it’s a sign from Creator
That I should slow down and not spoil the flavor

I’m always the chaser, never the chased
It’s time for me, to savor the taste

Of a love so perfect, it’s premium, top shelf
The kind of love I get from my fulfillment of self

-Audiaunna Dooley